


Cuts and Bruises

by Angel_of_Gryffindor



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Boys In Love, Bullying, Cutting, F/M, First Kisses, Henry Bowers Being an Asshole, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstandings, Not Beta Read, Physical Abuse, Porn Watching, Sad Talks, Self Burning, Self Harm, Self-Esteem Issues, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, Stabbing, Swearing, Trigger Warnings, Trying to Cope, Underage Smoking, Young Love, coming to terms with sexuality, lots of tags, self punishment, slightly different universe, sonia is dating officer bowers, stan is a good friend, suicide attempt (mentioned), the losers never made friends with eddie, they're about 16
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:18:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 21,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22040152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angel_of_Gryffindor/pseuds/Angel_of_Gryffindor
Summary: Richie thighs were a map of cuts, burns and secrets but he's not the only one; Eddie, the bullied kid in school, is good with secrets
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, sonia kaspbrak/butch bowers
Comments: 25
Kudos: 178





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello,  
> This is easily my most heavily tagged story, for good reason, please read them!  
> I've been writing this for months so sorry if the writing style changes  
> Trigger Warning here too: self harm, homophobia, self esteem issues, blood, trying to cope  
> I'm sorry of there are any mistakes, I'm not posting it all at once so hopefully I'll catch them  
> Enjoy

Richie hated high school, not the learning part he liked learning all kinds of new things and challenging his teachers, he hated everyone who went there; it wasn't full of cliques like in books or films, everyone was just kind of an arsehole.

Part of Richie was a bit of an arsehole too, always talking out of turn in class and his taste of humour certainly wasn't for everyone but he'd found a small group of people who actually liked him.

Bill and Stan had both been Richie's friends since kindergarten, they were thick as thieves, getting each other in and out of trouble.

Richie was tall with long limbs, dark brown curls and thick black framed glasses, he always wore a bright print shirt and his jeans were usually ripped in places; the school hated his clothes but he didn't own anything else and wouldn't be caught dead wearing a pastel polo shirt like Stan.

Stan was his best friend, a Jew with a blond curly part, he only seemed to own pale yellow or pale blue polo shirts and always had a pair of binoculars and book of birds shoved into his back pockets; Stan looked like he wouldn't say boo to a goose but had a fierce tongue.

Bill made all the final decisions for the three of them, he had the air of leader about him; he was tall and thin with light brown hair and a terrible stutter that never really seemed to go away; as an avid writer he was always pausing in the hallways to jot down an idea.

"what's the plan this weekend fellas?" Richie asked as the three of them shuffled through the hallway, trying to get passed others.

"t-the us-usual." Bill said, "aw-wful movies a-a-and awful f-food."

Richie nodded, every weekend the three of them met up at one of their houses, hunkered down in the living room and watched all the bad movies the rental shop had to offer and stuff themselves with whatever was in 'leftover' containers in the fridge.

A sudden bang followed by a scream caught their attention, they paused in their escape of school to witness Henry Bowers, the residential mullet haired, tank top wearing bully shoving someone much smaller into a locker and slamming it shut.

"what a douchbag." Stan sighed, "who do you think he's put in there today?"

Richie sighed too, looking quickly away when Henry shot him a look full of hate, "same person he always picks on." he muttered.

Even though Henry bullied everyone, everyone in the school had at least one bruise from Henry at some point, but the one he seemed to torture the most was Eddie Kaspbrak; a short, slightly ill looking boy, his dark brown hair always neatly brushed and he wore a fanny pack full of median.

Eddie was an easy target, small, quiet and socially awkward, he didn't seem to have any friends but he did have an over baring mother who didn't want him to have friends; Richie vaguely wondered if she knew her son was being bullied every day.

"l-let's go l-let him-m out." Bill said bravely, but only once Henry and his dumb goons had vanished.

The locker hadn't been locked so Eddie must have solely been trapped in there from fear; inside Eddie had his eyes screwed tightly shut, hands clasped tightly in front of him and a bruise blossoming on his knees.

"um, Henry's gone." Richie said softly, "you okay?"

Eddie's big brown, tear filled eyes, shot open, the smallest of swear words tumbling from his lips, "fine!" he squeaked but didn't move.

The three boys exchanged looks, both worried and sympathetic, "you, um, wanna get out of the locker?" Stan finally said because it seemed like Eddie was waiting for instruction.

Eddie's light pink polo shirt was covered in dirt, as were his short red shorts and both his forearms were wrapped tightly in gauze, he slowly climbed out of the locker and instantly rummaged into his fanny pack for an inhaler.

However his hands were shaking so much the smaller boy dropped it before he could take a puff, Richie was quicker, catching it before it hit the dirty floor and held it to Eddie's mouth without even thinking about what he was doing.

After taking three quick puffs Eddie vanished without saying goodbye, Richie watched him disappear sadly, feeling weird, the inhaler still clutched in his hand.

"dude, that was pretty gay." Stan said mockingly.

Richie stuck his middle finger in Stan's face, not saying anything, the weird feeling swirling deep in his chest and he felt a little sick; after all he didn't have scars on his thighs because he was proud of his actual sexual orientation. 

He'd always remembered feeling that way, girls were great and all but there was something better about boys, boys were always cuter and more fun and there was something special about Eddie that Richie wanted to know more about but knew it was forbidden territory.

The matter was quickly forgotten with Bill reminding them that they had to get to the rental store before all the best bad movies were gone so the boys hurried out for their bikes; Richie quickly tucked the inhaler into one of the many pockets of his bag.

Despite being sixteen none of them except Bill had had any driving lessons so the three of them continued to bike around town; behind the bike shed came noises so Richie went to investigate only to see the flaming red hair of Beverly in a deep kiss with someone he couldn't quite see.

"you got any smokes Ringwald?" Richie asked without announcing his presence.

Beverly jumped back from her partner, who turned out to be Ben, the 'new kid' even though he'd been at the school for four years, Beverly's blushing, taunt face relaxed when she spotted Richie's stupid grin, "not today trashmouth, my dad was sniffing about." she said even though there was box shape in her back pocket.

"come on Ringwald, I'm desperate!" Richie begged.

Ben knocked her shoulder with his own meaty one, he'd once been quiet fat but had joined the football team and was becoming nicely buff, "go on Bev. I'll get you another packet." he offered with a soft smile.

Richie was very surprised that Beverly did hand over not one but three cigarettes over, she must really like Ben.

"w-who was sh-she kiss-sing?" Bill asked as they biked to the rental.

Glancing over his shoulder Richie took a deep drag of his cigarette, "Ben Hanscom." he shouted back, "why? Still hung up on Bevvy?"

Bill was frowning at nothing, he'd fancied Beverly since sixth grade when they'd got to kiss in a school play but his slightly timid nature had lost him his chance with her, especially when Ben had turned up full of poetry and sweet words.

After spending half and hour arguing over movies they picked five of their favourites, and clubbed the rest of their money together to get a massive bottle of super sugary soda.

Stan's parents were doing overtime at the Synagogue as there were triplets turning thirteen and a wedding to organise so their house was empty, perfect for three teenage boys for the weekend.

"no way would have Rocky won that fight in real life!" Stan ranted like he did after every Rocky movie.

"of course Rocky wins! He's the main character, duh." Richie said even though he agreed with Stan, it was just fun to mess with his tightly wound friend.

They argued after every movie, riling each other up until they began crashed, finally Richie was the last one standing even though his eyelids were very heavy he had a couple of things to do before falling asleep.

Stan's parents would have gone mad if any of them had tried to smoke inside the house so Richie stumbled outside to light up his second cigarette, saving the third for when he decided to go home, he sat heavily on the back yard patio in the dark.

From the back yard Richie could see the lights on in the house behind Stan's, someone was moving about in one of the top floor rooms, Richie hoped they wouldn't look out and see him sneaking the smoke.

It wasn't just the smoking that calmed Richie, with a quick look behind him to make sure his friends were still asleep before he moved one of the rips in his jeans and docked the cigarette out onto his skin.

Richie hissed from the pain but he knew he deserved it for his thoughts about boys, it wasn't right, he'd tried everything to stop the thoughts, to like girls more but the only thing that stopped the thoughts, even for a moment, was hurting himself.

For the first couple of times it had been around his wrists but Stan had noticed and questioned him endlessly, Richie had lied saying a stray cat scratched him; from then on he only cut and burnt himself on his thighs.

It got a bit awkward in the summer when Bill and Stan wanted to go swimming in the quarry or when they had to do Gym at school but he just invested in some longer shorts and refused to be naked anywhere but his house.

Sighing through the pain Richie shoved the cigarette butt into his pocket so Stan's parents didn't know about it he looked up to see someone watching him from the window; with the light spilling in from behind Richie couldn't see their face but Richie felt guilt at being caught.

"shit." Richie swore and got to his feet to go back inside, he only had to hope it wasn't anyone he went to school with.

The next day the boys were still recovering from the sugar crashes from the night before, they watched some mundane daytime kids TV show, there was a creepy clown dancing and laughing on the screen but none of them had the effort to change the channel.

"bet he's killed someone." Stan muttered into a pillow, barely looking at the screen.

Richie had his hand pressed firmly onto his burn, looking the clown on TV right into his wondering eyes, he hated clowns, their painted faces and manic laughter were unnerving, "wouldn't surprise me."

Before any of them knew it night had fallen again, Stan's mom had left a full lasagne in the fridge for them so they stuffed themselves silly while watching all the videos again, followed by the same arguments.

Richie was dying for his last cigarette but wanted to save it before going home so he shoved more food into his mouth and pressed his burn when the others weren't looking.

In the morning, nearly the afternoon, after the boys had raided the pantry for anything that would give them a boost Stan told them he wanted to go bird watching and didn't want Richie's big mouth to scare any of them away.

"just me and you then Big Bill!" Richie laughed but Bill's face became serious.

"I ca-can't Rich. P-p-promised Georgie I'd-d pl-play with h-him." Bill said softly, he really loved his little brother, especially since Georgie had quiet badly hurt in a hit and run a few years ago.

Richie shrugged it away, he had homework to do, so lighting his last cigarette Richie waved his friends goodbye and began biking home; weirdly he turned down the street behind Stan's, he was still curious about the person in the window.


	2. Chapter 2

Parked on the street was the police chief's car, sticking out like a sore thumb amongst all the middle class cars, Richie biked passed slowly only to find Eddie sitting on a picnic blanket on the front lawn, reading a book.

"your mom in trouble or something?" Richie couldn't help but asked, he pressed his hand hard onto his fresh burn to stop his thoughts about how cute Eddie was.

Eddie looked up surprised, a blush instantly on his pale cheeks, "what?" he asked a little shrilly, apparently very nervous at being spoken to.

Nodding his head towards the police car, "your mom in trouble? Didn't know being fat and over baring was a crime. Even though it should be." Richie added silently in his head.

"don't say that about my mommy." Eddie said quickly, a little too quickly to be a natural reaction, "and no, she isn't in trouble." he took a slow breath, fingers itching for his inhaler, "Officer Bowers is her boyfriend."

Richie instantly wrinkled his nose, it was well known that Officer Bowers had battered his first wife so badly she'd only just managed to run away with her life, then something else clicked in Richie's brain, "does that mean Henry lives with you?"

Apparently the smaller boy had used all his words, so he nodded sadly and Richie made a disgusted noise, "that fucking sucks dude." Richie spat, "can't imagine living with that piece of shit."

There was an awkward little pause as Richie just watched the shorter boy tug nervously at the gauze around his forearms, Richie was tempted to get off his bike and sit with Eddie on the blanket, maybe steal his book, talk with the other boy and punish himself later.

"what, are you doing now?" Eddie asked hesitantly.

Richie shrugged, "just going for a bike ride. Wanna come?" the offer came out of his mouth before he could stop himself.

"mommy won't let me have a bike, she says they're dangerous and Officer Bowers says only gangs ride bikes." Eddie rambled.

Richie couldn't help but laugh, it caused Eddie to blush more, "but it isn't a childhood without a bike! Come on, get on. We'll go for a ride." he offered again.

With slightly stiff limbs Eddie stood up, slowly approaching Richie, eyeing the bike suspiciously, "it doesn't look safe." he mentioned and it made Richie laugh a little again at his serious little face.

"hey! This bike has got me through some tough times!" Richie expressed a little too loudly and Eddie immediately shrank back, "hey, come on." he held out his hand with an easy smile, "if we fall off then I'm sure you've got a million band-aids in that cute little fanny pack of yours."

Eddie subconsciously touched his fanny pack before moving back towards Richie and his bike, it took a little extra effort since the bike was a bit high for his shorter legs but soon he was seated behind Richie, who had shifted off the seat.

Hesitantly Eddie wrapped his arms around Richie's thin waist and only tightened them further when Richie set off, "you okay there Eds?" he asked over his shoulders as he pedalled.

"don't call me that." Eddie said without bite, his massive calculator watching digging into Richie's stomach but he couldn't bring himself to care as he let himself momentarily enjoy the other boy's warmth pressed tightly to his back.

Richie wasn't sure where he was going, at first he was just going to ride around for a while before he got bored and went home but now he had Eddie with him; a boy who didn't have anyone and lived with his school bully.

Out of instinct Richie rode to the quarry, it was a nice day with very little breeze and the sun was bright, it was the perfect day for a paddle; he helped the shorter boy off the bike and they walked side by side down to the stream leading into the quarry.

"you come down here a lot?" Eddie asked sitting on a rock obviously having no intention of going into the water.

Richie rolled up his jeans to stand ankle deep in the cool water, "yeah, me and Bill and Stan come here all the time, its great for making plans and getting away from it all." he said mindlessly kicking rocks with his toes.

The pair were silent for a while with Eddie just watching as Richie waded through the water looking for anything interesting and it should have been awkward with them being silent but it was comfortable, until Eddie spoke again.

"I saw you the other night, from my window." Eddie's voice was small, like he'd worked up every ounce of courage to speak but had instantly regretted it.

Richie's stomach clenched tightly, feeling suddenly quiet sick, but he still turned back to the smaller boy, to gauge his reaction, "you're not going to tattle on me smoking are you?" he said with a nervous laugh.

Eddie shifted nervously, looking around as if someone was going to appear from one of the bushes and catch them talking, "I saw you. Hurt yourself."

"oh, that." Richie breathed, the sickness rising higher in his throat.

"why?" Eddie asked softly, hands clenched tightly on his own thighs.

For a moment Richie regarded Eddie, looking scared and small sitting on that rock, like he only wanted to disappear for asking such a question, an apology on his tongue and picking softly at the gauze, "because a smile hides a thousand pains." Richie said finally and stepped out of the water.

Richie had never told anyone about hurting himself, not Stan or his parents or even a journal and yet there he stood with Eddie, who he had hardly spoken to, about to spill his guts but it didn't feel completely wrong.

"sometimes I feel things I know I shouldn't and hurting myself stops me thinking about that, for a little bit." Richie told him, moving the highest rips around his thigh, showing the newest burn and old, white scars.

Sensitive fingers gently touched the scars, examining them with muted interest, Eddie was quiet as he touched Richie's skin and Richie let him, "it's not as bad as you think." Richie laughed lightly, trying to lighten the mood again, suddenly desperate for a cigarette, "I don't want to die. I just want to feel for a bit."

"I want to." Eddie said hoarsely.

"you want to what?" Richie asked cautiously.

Eddie's eyes filled with tears, his fingers suddenly on his gauze, "die. I want to die." he confessed breathlessly.

Richie flinched back, sliding down the rock to sit on the peddles, dragging Eddie with him who had now begun to sob softly, "don't say stuff like that." he pleaded.

Eddie rubbed his eyes roughly, "but I do! It's all so awful Richie, it's too much!" he rambled sadly, "I can't escape anything, everything is just fucked up. Mommy keeps saying I'm ill, and maybe I am, nothing ever feels right or good enough."

Pulling the smaller boy into a tight hug Richie let Eddie cry loudly into his shoulder because the kid needed to cry, his life must be a complete shit show; a mother insisting he's ill, a dead father, no friends, a new stepdad who happens to be a piece of wife battering shit and a psycho bully of a stepbrother.

Richie felt a bit stupid for hurting himself over the fact that he had thoughts about boys but he knew everyone had their own personal demons and everyone handled them differently, "show me. Your arms, show me." he said once Eddie stopped crying loudly.

Hiccuping Eddie paused before unwrapping the once neat gauze; his arms were a patchwork of neat little scars, some more purposeful, still red and puckered, while others more hesitant, there was a bright red cut by his pulse and bruises from a pointed end.

Richie very gently reached out to turn Eddie's skinny arms over, feeling the marred skin under his fingertips, the scars weren't like his, "you're mom know about this?" he asked softly.

"no!" Eddie said instantly before shrinking back, "no, she thinks I have rashes on my arms." he explained, "I haven't even shown a doctor."

Richie nodded, he understood having to lie, it never felt good to lie to those he loved but if they found out there'd be questions and he was never in the mood to explain himself like that; with dirty, fumbling fingers Richie wrapped the smaller boy's arms back up, covering the cuts, "for someone so over protective she's doing a pretty shitty job." he muttered.

Eddie opened his mouth to argue but then closed it again, looking sad, "mommy's too busy with Officer Bowers, they always go out for meals and dates."

"leaving you home alone with Henry?" Richie asked, a feeling a anger and protectiveness welling in his empty stomach.

"I have to lock my door." Eddie said quietly before a pure look of panic took over his soft features, "oh no! Mommy will go spare when she sees I'm not on the lawn anymore!" he began wheezing for breath, his thin chest heaving.

Richie wrapped an arm around Eddie as he desperately huffed on his inhaler, "hey, it's okay. I'll bike you back now."

"but...but, how do I....explain?" Eddie gasped out and took another puff.

Richie was pretty sure you weren't meant to take that many hits from an inhaler and it still not work but he didn't say that, "I'll just say I kidnapped you." he teased.

"you can't say that! Officer Bowers will cart you away!" Eddie panicked gripping Richie's shirt tightly.

"stop panicking. Let's go." Richie smiled as he stood, taking Eddie's hand walking back to his bike; as they swung themselves onto the bike, Eddie not complaining this time, Richie managed to feel calm and panicked at the same time.

Calm because Eddie, the cute little bullied kid, had trusted him with this secret, he was warm pressed against his back and Richie felt like there could be something more than friendship.

But that's where the panic set in, Richie wasn't meant to feel that way about boys, boys were off limits, he pressed on his newest burn as he peddled to try and rid those thoughts but it wasn't working with Eddie, someone even more off limits than most, pressed so tightly to him.

"Richie?" Eddie said as the came to his street, "you won't tell anyone, will you?" he was scared.

Scraping to a stop outside Eddie's house he glanced over his shoulder, "of course not Eds. Not even Stan or Bill." he promised and helped the smaller boy off his bike.

"Sonia! He's back!" Henry was stood on the porch with a sickeningly smug look on his face, it turned Eddie deathly pale.

Eddie's mom was a fat woman in a very unflattering flower printed dress and soft, rubber shoes, what Officer Bowers saw in her Richie could only guess but he suspected that an ugly woman who does everything for him instead of relying on himself was better that nothing.

"Oh Eddie-bear, I've been so worried!" Mrs Kaspbrak pulled her son into an uncomfortably tight hug and Richie desperately wanted to save him but held back, it wasn't his place yet, "I nearly had Butch form a police search for you. Where do you go and why did you not tell mommy?" she continued to rant and rave, not letting poor Eddie breath.

"it was my fault Mrs K." Richie finally spoke, a huge grin on his face, "I persuaded him to come for a bike ride with me." he gestured to his bike and Mrs Kaspbrak looked ready to either be sick or murder him.

"you took him?" Mrs Kaspbrak snarled, "from the safety of his home on that death trap?" it wasn't really a question.

Richie shrugged, still smiling, "I returned him in one piece. Nice to meet you by the way, I'm..." he held his hand out but Mrs Kaspbrak flinched away.

"I know exactly who you are, Richard Tozier." she spat his name like poison, "I've seen you around town, swearing, causing trouble, you're a horrid, dirty boy. A bad influence. I don't want you any where near my son." Mrs Kaspbrak span on her heel, Eddie still pressed to her side.

Richie wouldn't let her win, he wasn't scared of her stupid blotchy face, "I'll pick you up tomorrow for school Eds!" he called.

"you most certainly will not!" Mrs Kaspbrak shrieked like he'd suggested taking drugs, "Eddie doesn't need friends like you."

Mrs Kaspbrak herded her son into the house, Eddie managed to look frantically over his shoulder at Richie before the door was slammed shut; Henry had been watching the whole thing with a twisted smile.

"what you trying to do faggot?" Henry growled, slinking towards Richie, "break up this happy little family?"

Richie rolled his eyes and got back onto his bike for a quick get away, "Eddie having friends won't do that, unless there's something going on in that house that you don't want anyone to know? A not quite so happy family." Richie knew he should stop talking, Henry's top lips had curled away.

"watch yourself Tozier, that big mouth of your's will get you into trouble." Henry growled, reaching for his father's pocket knife.

"more like get you into trouble." Richie replied, "you'd better watch yourself Henry, cos I'm here for Eddie now and you lay a finger on him, I'll expose you." it had been dumb to threaten Henry Bowers, a boy known for not having any control.

So when the sharp, burning pain shot through Richie's cheek he wasn't surprised; he hadn't been stabbed but there was a long cut across his cheek now, it felt good with the blood trickle slowly down his cheek and neck; Richie steeled his face not to respond and spat in Henry's face before biking away.

That night Richie didn't need to hurt himself, he laid in bed pressing the cut on his cheek over and over, trying to get Eddie's face out of his head but he couldn't so he tried to be rational, "Eddie is my friend now, friends protect each other, I'm just protecting my friend." it was enough to allow him to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

"dude what happened to your fucking face?" Stan exclaimed when he saw Richie in the morning.

Richie hadn't bothered with a band aid for his face, the cut hadn't been that deep, "Bowers cut me." he explained simply.

Bill had been a bit more over dramatic, asking if he wanted his mom to take a look at it but Richie declined, it didn't hurt in a bad way; the three of them set off for school but Richie turned down Eddie's road without a word.

"wh-where w-we going?" Bill asked but still followed.

On the sidewalk was Eddie, waiting for his mom & Officer Bowers to drive him and Henry to school but Henry was apparently taking a while to get his stuff together, it was the perfect opportunity, "hey Eds." Richie called as he halted in front of the smaller boy, a massive grin spreading across his face.

Eddie seemed surprised to see Richie, even more surprised to see Stan and Bill beside him, "Richie? What are you doing here?" he asked breathlessly, colour immediately flooding his cheeks.

"duh, I said I was going to pick you up for school." Richie laughed rolling his eyes lightly and slid forwards off his seat.

"but mommy said..." Eddie started but some kind of serious resolve passed over his face, it was a purposeful act of defiance as he climbed onto Richie's bike and wrapped his arms tightly around him.

Richie felt smug, "you guys know Eddie right?" he said to the other two and then the front door opened, "shit, lets go." and they took off down the road to the sounds of Mrs Kaspbrak screaming.

"did we just kidnap Eddie Kaspbrak?" Stan asked in a serious tone but there was a smirk on his face.

"it's not kidnapping, right Eds, we're going to school." Richie replied.

"don't call me that." Eddie said, his arms tightened a little more as they turned to corner into school; climbing off Eddie watched the three of them put their bikes away before he spoke again, "did Henry do that to you?" he gestured to the cut.

Richie touched it, feeling the rough hot damage, "yeah. He just couldn't stand how attractive I am and how butt ugly he is." he joked and Eddie smiled, it made Richie's heart flutter; he pressed the wound when everyone turned away.

The sound of a police siren echoed across the school car park, everyone stopped to watch as Officer Bowers climbed out with Mrs Kaspbrak, her round face pale with worry, and she shuffled her way towards Eddie.

"time to go." Richie whispered and tried to escape but as fat as she was Mrs Kaspbrak was quick and she grabbed not only Eddie but Richie too, her meaty hands were bruising, "Mrs K!" he beamed, trying to ignore the fact she looked like a raging bull, "how are you dear lady?"

"I should have you locked up!" Mrs Kaspbrak shouted, spit flying, "kidnapping my son again!" everyone was watching and whispering.

Eddie was still in her grip but he was frowning, "he's my friend mom."he said quietly but Mrs Kaspbrak shook him.

"you don't need friends like him Eddie-bear, you've got me and dear Henry, he takes good care of you." the were giggling all around for Eddie's nickname but he tried not to let it show on his blushing face.

Richie scowled, did she really think Henry was looking after Eddie, did she never question where his bruises came from or the fact the whole town knew Henry Bowers was an out of control bully, "I did say I was picking him up today." Richie said quickly, trying to squirm out of her grip.

Instead Mrs Kaspbrak pulled Richie close to her face, he could smell the stale coffee on her breath, "he doesn't need friends like you." she hissed before shoving him away.

Richie wasn't ready to give up so he marched straight back up to Mrs Kaspbrak and Eddie while she was whispering something deranged to him, shoved his hand tightly between her fingers to make her let go, took Eddie's hand and swiftly marched away without a word; he wasn't going to let her win, she wasn't allowed any more.

"what do you think you're doing? Butch!" Mrs Kaspbrak shrieked.

"we've got class. Learning is very important, you wouldn't want to stunt your son would you? That would reflect terribly on you as a parent." Richie ranted as he continued to walk purposefully through the halls, Eddie's hand still clasped tightly in his own sweaty one, "Eddie's already missed so much being ill." he was sarcastic.

"stop it, she'll get mad." Eddie whispered desperately, his still bright red.

Richie rolled his eyes, "she's already mad." he whispered back, giving the smaller boy a smile, "they can't lock me away for bringing you to school Eds."

It turned out Richie could get in quiet a lot of trouble for taking Eddie into school, even though Eddie had willing got onto the bike and ended up at the correct destination unharmed Mrs Kaspbrak wouldn't listen to reason, demanding Richie be suspended or even expelled for being a bad influence.

"I didn't do anything wrong!" Richie complained when his father, Went, came to collect him, having to come out of work for the occasion.

Went took one look at the furious Mrs Kaspbrak before wrapping an arm around Richie and leading him out of the school to start his month long suspension, "you know better than to get yourself involved with that family." he said as the walked, once out of ear shot, "they're all crazy."

"Eddie isn't." Richie muttered, "he's my friend dad! I took my friend to school!" he grabbed his bike to shove it into the boot of his dad's car, knocking the frame in his anger.

"you know Sonia will never see it like that. Don't get involved any more Richie, it's not worth it." Went tried to reason but it fell on deaf ears.

That afternoon Bill and Stan brought the work they'd done that day and Richie's mom, Maggie, allowed them to stay and help him catch up while she made dinner, "did you look after Eddie?" Richie asked while he was trying to figure out a question.

"we stayed near him but he wouldn't talk to us." Stan told him, "poor kid nearly cried like six times today."

"prob-baly em-embarrassed." Bill said.

"I fucking would have been too if my mom turned up calling me my nickname and declaring herself my best friend." Stan shuddered at the thought of his mom singing about 'her little cheep cheep' was the stuff of nightmares.

Richie had been grounded by Maggie for getting suspended even though he was a straight A student, sure he always had detention but all the teachers liked him so he sat miserably in his room planning an escape.


	4. Chapter 4

It was pretty far to Eddie's house, plus his bike was still locked in his dad's car, it would take ages to walk there and back, someone would notice he wasn't there anymore but there was such a pull in Richie's chest he couldn't bare leaving Eddie in that house of madness by himself any longer.

Richie turned on his music, loud enough so his parents thought he was in there but not too loud they'd come in to complain, pulled on a denim jacket and climbed out of the window; he'd climbed out of his window plenty, and into Bill or Stan's just as often, so he got down quickly and quietly.

Derry was different at night, eerie and silent, the only sounds coming from bars and the traffic lights changing, if there were any cars about they drove in a sombre mood; Richie stuck to back alleys to get to Eddie's house, there was one light on on each floor.

Feeling like an action hero in some dumb spy movie Richie crouched under the window to peek inside to see Henry on the living room sofa naked from the waist down doing unspeakable things to himself while watching a TV channel Richie knew you had to have special permission to watch.

Richie wished he had brought his camera, the image now burned into his eyelids would have been great blackmail material, but at that moment it meant that Henry was distracted with himself so Eddie was alone upstairs.

Eddie's back yard had no gravel to throw, just a tonne of roses but there was climbing ivy up the whole of the back of the house, including up to Eddie's window; Richie felt thorns scratch against his wrists and forearms as he climbed the vines.

Balancing unsteadily with his feet dug deeply into the vines Richie knocked loudly on the window, having to quickly grab the window frame to stop himself falling backwards, Eddie appeared moments later looking puffy around the eyes and panicked.

"Richie! What are you doing?" Eddie gasped as he begun to fumble with the key in the window lock.

Richie had to lean dangerously backwards to avoid being hit by the window, "I came to see you Eds. This was more romantic in Romeo and Juliet." he muttered as he tumbled into Eddie's room; Eddie's bedroom was practically bare, just as bed, wardrobe, desk and old toy chest with his name painted in bubble writing on the front.

The room smelt like disinfectant and soap, Richie noticed that Eddie was in his pyjamas and his hair was wet, giving it a slight curl, both his arms were uncovered.

"what are you doing?" Eddie hissed again eyes glancing nervously at the door, "you'll get in more trouble."

Richie wrapped his arms around Eddie's slim waist, lifted him off his feet and spun him around with a giggle, "aw are you worried about me Eds! That's so sweet." he teased.

Eddie gripped the taller boy's shoulders, a shocked look on his face as he was suspended in the air, "put me down, it's dangerous." he said firmly but there was a tiny smile creeping onto his face the longer Richie held him tightly against himself, "and stop calling me Eds." 

After a while Richie had to put the smaller boy down, his thoughts were getting a bit heated, he needed to calm himself because he couldn't hurt himself here, not when he'd come to look after Eddie, so he placed him down with a little space between them but Eddie didn't remove his uncovered arms from Richie's shoulders.

Even though Richie had already seen the cuts he began to marvel at them again, "tragically beautiful." Richie thought running his fingers over them again, feeling their thinned softness and hot edges.

"I want to see yours." Eddie suddenly said.

"well that was very forward Eds." Richie laughed lightly, desperate to kiss one of the cuts and had to bite the inside of his cheek till he tasted blood.

Eddie blushed deeply, "not that." he gasped out, "your cuts, I want to see them properly." he was avoiding eye contact, it was probably one of the boldest things Eddie had ever asked for.

"you just want to get my pants off." Richie giggled but slowly began to undo his jeans.

Eddie finally stepped away, watching with wide eyes as Richie struggled with unlacing his sneakers to finally kick his jeans fully away and was glad he'd put on clean boxers; Richie had never shown off all his cuts, he barely looked at them himself, just pressed on the freshest ones when needed.

But Eddie had graciously allowed Richie to ogle the cuts on his arms so he sat cautiously on the neatly made bed and allowed the smaller boy's eyes to roam over his marred skin, even allowed him to touch them gently too.

"there's so many." Eddie whispered as he ran a finger over a dark red, puckered cut and Richie suppressed a pleasurable shiver.

Richie shrugged, teeth digging firmly into his cheek, "been pretty fucked up for a long time."

"why here?" Eddie asked tapping each of the round burn marks, as if counting the damage.

"I did start on my wrists." Richie confessed, showing the faint little marks across the side of his wrist, "but my friends got suspicious and I'm not done punishing myself yet." he didn't really know why he was telling Eddie so much, it was probably because they were in the same kind of situation.

Eddie splayed his small hand across Richie's thigh, covering the cuts, his hand was warm and Richie felt his heart thud painfully, "nobody knows then?"

"only you." Richie told him a little breathlessly, he squirmed when Eddie's hand began to shift upwards leaving a burning trail, his skin began to itch, he needed to hurt himself, the thoughts were too much, "can I use your bathroom?" he asked quickly, jumping to his feet as his thoughts continued to whirl dangerously around his head.

Eddie looked alarmed, he knew what Richie would do in there but he slowly removed his hand and nodded, "don't let Henry hear you." he said avoiding eye contact again.

Once Richie was locked firmly inside the bathroom, a seaside themed room with anchors and boats everywhere, he did try to calm his thoughts first, "he's my friend, he only wanted to see them." he ranted to himself but still felt wrong, too pent up, so he grabbed the old fashioned razor on the sink.

It was a sharp blade, probably sharpened every morning by Officer Bowers, so it dug instantly into Richie's skin, a burning feeling shooting through his thigh as the hot blood poured down his leg, a shudder of relief rippled through Richie.

"shit." Richie hissed, grabbing toilet roll to press firmly against the cut but only to stop his blood getting onto the white rug, the tissue immediately soaked through, leaking out onto his fingers, staining under his nails and for those moments when Richie was sorting out the blood and the hot pain in his leg he didn't think about how cute Eddie was or how badly he wanted to kiss him.

"are you okay Richie? Do you need any help?" Eddie's small voice came from under the door.

The cut was still pouring blood, normally it would have started to slow down, just leaving behind a sharp, hot wound, "um, no it's fine. I'll be out in a bit." Richie said quickly and begun to rummage through one of the many baskets around the sink, trying not to leave blooded fingerprints.

Finally he found the band aids in hundreds of sizes, Richie quickly grabbed one, slapping it hard over the cut and haphazardly wiped away the blood from his tights, his skin was still stained red when he opened the door; Eddie was still stood on the other side, looking worried and holding several band aids himself.

Eddie's big eyes darted down to the blood staining Richie's leg and on his hands, "I thought you might be doing that." he said softly but didn't sound offended or disappointed, just a little sad.

Richie felt immediately guilty, a thick lump in his throat, "this is why I don't tell anyone." he thought bitterly; telling people meant they gave their opinions, put forwards their own emotions for him hurting himself, it made him feel like complete shit.

"it's okay, lets go back to me room." Eddie reached out for Richie's hand but he moved it away because even with the searing pain in his thigh the thoughts hadn't stopped and all he wanted to do was wrap the smaller boy in a tight hug.

They did go back to Eddie's room, the noises of whatever Henry was watching had increased, the fake grunts and moans echoing through the house, and Richie went to put his jeans back on, "wait." Eddie said suddenly, "let me clean you up, it'll be unhygienic."

"okay." Richie said absentmindedly sitting on Eddie's bed again, hoping he wouldn't get blood on the sheets, glad the thoughts of Eddie's kindness and soft hands on him again were quickly kicked away by the sudden sting of the alcohol rub getting under the band aid, "I didn't mean to do it here." he confessed.

Eddie looked up at him with big eyes, "I know. Get's too much sometimes doesn't it?" he said sadly, eyes flickering down to his own marred skin, fresh stab marks dotted all the way up, he must have done it while Richie was in the bathroom.

"I'll behave next time." Richie said grinning, the moment of pain and worried had passed, he wanted to spend time with Eddie before he had to head home.

"you're going to come here again?" Eddie seemed genuinely surprised.

Richie gently knocked Eddie's smaller shoulder, "of course I am, since I can't see you at school for a whole month! How unfair is that? You're mom is seriously crazy." he laughed lightly.

"will you come every night?" Eddie asked quietly, gently tracing one of Richie's scars.

Richie's fingers itched to press his wound but with Eddie so close he didn't risk it, the smaller boy was sat on the floor, his cheek practically laid on Richie's thigh, so he gave into a tiny bit of temptation and played with one of Eddie's curls.

"I'll come whenever you want Eds." Richie teased, "double pun intended." he added with a cheeky wink. 

Eddie pretended to look offended but there was a smile playing on his lips that betrayed him.

Suddenly the awful sounds from downstairs stopped, followed by heavy footfalls on the stairs, Eddie looked instantly panicked scrambling up to check he'd locked the door, Henry's shadow appeared under the door.

"you in there girly boy?" Henry's voice was thick and deep, "should have come to watch my movie, you might have enjoyed it." he sneered.

"n-no thank you Henry." Eddie squeaked, forcing himself to speak with a trembling voice.

Henry gave a nasty laugh, "probably for the best, don't need you staring at my cock the whole time, eh faggot? I know you wouldn't have been able to resist."

Richie jumped to his feet in anger, desperate to smash Henry's dumb face in but Eddie signalled for him to sit back down, seconds later the handle rattled violently over and over till the entire door shuddered under a punch.

"let me in faggot, you're mommy will want to know I checked on you." Henry snarled as he continued to assault the door.

Richie got up from the bed again with slow steady steps as not to make any noise, he slid an arm around Eddie's quivering shoulders and pulled him away from the door, "don't reply." he whispered leading the smaller boy back to the bed, "he won't break the door, he'd never be able to explain it to your mom." he reasoned when Eddie went to argue.

It took less than a minuet of silence for Henry to get bored, he shuffled away swearing and muttering to himself, slamming his own bedroom door.

"creepy little shit." Richie sighed.

Eddie rubbed his face with trembling hands, "he's like that every night." he said softly, leaning into Richie slightly.

"I'm sorry you're putting up with this bullshit." Richie whispered resting his cheek on the smaller boy's still slightly wet curls, pressing slightly onto the cut on his cheek, punishment for giving into the softness.

"stay?" Eddie asked quietly.

Richie heart thumped hard, "you're comforting a friend." he ranted to himself, trying to squash down the terrible feeling crawling itself around in his stomach, "you've been this close to Bill and even closer to Stan. This is no different."

Apparently he'd been quiet for too long, fighting with himself, because Eddie lifted himself away to look at the taller boy with worried brown eyes, "you don't have to, sorry I asked, it's just...nevermind. You can go, if you want." Eddie rambled.

"he's my friend and I care about my friends." Richie nodded to himself and wrapped his arms tightly around Eddie's chest, pulling him backwards, "I'll stay till you fall asleep. I don't think things would end well if I was still here in the morning for your mom or Bowers to find." he laughed lightly.


	5. Chapter 5

Eddie's bed was starched and disinfected to the extreme, making it feel like a hospital bed, but it was soft on Richie's bare legs, Eddie hadn't let him put his dirty jeans back on, "I'd better not lie down or I'll fall asleep." Richie laughed shifting one of the pillows so it was wedged firmly behind his back.

"wouldn't want that, I bet you snore." Eddie said with a serious face.

"well that is just rude Eds." Richie replied in just as serious tone even though he was nowhere near offended because he did actually snore, Stan always hit him with a pillow during sleepovers if Richie fell asleep first but Eddie's sudden distraught face caught him off guard, "shit, what's wrong?"

Eddie was picking at his arms, trying to pry apart the delicate skin, his eyes were out of focus as he began to mutter things Richie couldn't hear rapidly under his breath, there was wheezing edge to the shuddering breaths he was trying to suck in.

"Eds! Calm down, it's okay." Richie clambered out of the covers to grip Eddie's wrists tightly, "breath with me." he took a long, exaggerated breath in through his nose and puffed out loudly through his mouth.

Eventually Eddie began to copy the taller boy, the rapid mutterings stopping because he was concentrating on his breathing until he was calm, or at least Richie thought until the smaller boy's big eyes filled with tears, "I'm sorry." he whimpered.

"what for, you didn't do anything wrong." Richie smiled softly trying to make sure he didn't have another panic attack.

Eddie sniffed, "you, you said I was being rude. For saying you snored." he muttered dropping his gaze from Richie's.

Richie couldn't stop the little laugh that escaped, he felt Eddie flinch a little in his grip so he moved so legs were off the edge of the bed, either side of the smaller boy, and pulled him flush to his own body, "but it is true, I do snore." he said softly, "you weren't really being rude, I was teasing. Okay?"

How badly Richie wanted to kiss Eddie's flushed face, this close Richie could see all of the smaller boy's faint freckles, feel his small, hot breaths on his face; through his smile Richie sunk his teeth into his cheek, blood flooding his tongue and he had to quickly swallow it down.

"I'm sorry." Eddie huffed, wiping his face roughly with the back of his hand, "I'm not used to..."

"friends? Joking around?" Richie offered and felt warm relief when Eddie nodded, a small laugh escaped him again, still holding the smaller boy tightly to him, "get in bed Eds." and he moved back under the covers.

Eddie quickly took seven different pills that were on his desk, swilling them down from a bottle, before sliding in beside Richie; there was a gap between them but Richie could feel the other boy's warmth and for once that gnawing feeling wasn't in his belly.

"night Richie." Eddie whispered sleepily, "thank you." he added in a small voice and a shy finger was suddenly touching Richie's thigh, tracing the scars, running along the edges of the band aid, as if he was soothing himself to sleep.

For a long moment Richie watched as Eddie fell asleep, his slightly puffy eyes closing gently and his breaths evening over, the moonlight was spilling in through the window, bathing the smaller boy in the silvery light, making him look even softer.

Richie sighed deeply, still feeling Eddie's fingers on his thigh, "I might already be in too deep." he though sadly, he'd never been this close to Stan or Bill, who he'd known for so much longer, the longest convocation Richie had had with Eddie before this was persuading the smaller boy to go to the nurse when he'd once found him having an asthma attack outside the Gym.

But he knew he could trust Eddie, it wouldn't matter what Richie told him in this little room, he knew Eddie wouldn't tell anyone but he couldn't tell the smaller boy the real reason he hurt himself; Richie couldn't scare him away.

Forcing himself to stay awake Richie waited for nearly two hours to pass, at some point Mrs Kaspbrak and Officer Bowers came back, giggling and leaning against each other, Richie watched them from the window, hoping they wouldn't come to check on Eddie but they tumbled into their own room, slamming the door.

"bye Eds. See you tomorrow." Richie whispered removing the smaller boy's hand from his thigh and running a hand through the now dry curls, soft between Richie's long fingers, unlike his own slightly wiry curls; he desperately want to kiss Eddie but knew that was too much, he'd already hurt himself enough for one night.

Richie's parents hadn't realised that their son had escaped his room, there was a tray of freezing cold food sitting outside his door but it was still his mom's food and Richie ate it happily, thinking about his evening with Eddie; Richie expected to feel shame, guilt, any of the normal things that came with thoughts of boys but that didn't happen.

Thinking of Eddie made the taller boy feel warm, trusted; it was different but Richie was grateful, the urge to hurt himself was less, but his thigh was still burning under the band aid so that probably helped.

For the next month Richie would finish all his school work, lock himself in his room under the guise of being grounded, turn his music on before sneaking out of the window to Eddie's house; at first Eddie seemed surprised that Richie had come back over and over again but always made the same request.

Eddie seemed to like seeing and touching Richie's wounds, it was like he was being reassured that he wasn't alone in what he was doing even though Eddie had sometimes cut to end his own life, but feeling Richie's wounds had a weird calming effect.

Richie didn't cut himself at Eddie's again, the cut from the first time was still bleeding a little because the taller boy kept pressing that one as his punishments, he had to keep putting new band aids on it, Eddie never asked about it.

As it turned out Eddie had quite a dirty sense of humour, sometimes Richie would crack a mindless, tasteless joke to see the shorter boy's scrunched up disgusted face before it dissolved into a blinding smile and infectious giggles; Eddie even managed a few of his own little jokes.

Richie was amazed that nobody had heard him and Eddie talking or laughing in the bedroom, although Henry was usually watching a dirty movie and Mrs Kaspbrak and Officer Bowers were out till the small hours of the morning.

It was comfortable with Eddie, who was coming out of his shell a little more every night, his eyes a little brighter and there were less wounds on his arms, occasionally Richie would catch him looking up at him, like Richie had just saved his fanny pack from a burning building, but Eddie seemed happier, that was what was important.

Finally the last couple of days came before Richie was allowed back at school, he practically skipped to Eddie's but once he got there the bedroom was empty, "Eds?" he whispered into the dark room.

Henry's disgusting porn movie was playing extra loud that night, the neighbours could probably hear it now, a feeling of dread welled in Richie's stomach; he only ever ventured to the bathroom of the Kaspbrak house but the rest of the house seemed nice and normal, there were pressed flowers in frames and several hundred photos of Eddie through the years.

Richie carefully snuck down the stairs just able to peek over the banister into the living room without being seen, hopefully anyway; on the sofa was Henry, pants around his ankles and hand around himself, licking his thin lips as he stared intently at the screen, filling his mind with the images of whatever was happening to the very loud ladies in the movie.

Henry's other sweaty hand was clasped tightly around a terrified Eddie's wrist, forcing him to remain seated and watch the movie, even though it appeared every fibre in the smaller boy's body wanted to run away.

Hovering on the stairs Richie wasn't sure what to do, he needed to save his friend of the torture of watching porn with Henry Bowers, so he racked his brain while trying to get Eddie's attention, unfortunately Eddie seemed to be too traumatised by the movie, sickened and horrified but unable to look away.

"fuse box." Richie hissed lowly to himself and crept the rest of the way down the stairs; the door to the basement was around the corner leading to the spotless kitchen, Richie didn't dare turn on a light as he fumbled his way down the steps.

In his own house the fuse box was in the corner of a very cluttered basement but the Kaspbrak basement was empty apart from the water heater, a small window spilling moonlight into the eerie room, shelves with various things on it and the white fuse box in the corner.

Richie knew nothing about fuses but he had to take out the electric to save Eddie from the torture upstairs so he pulled out several until he heard Henry shouting obscene things at the top of his lungs.

It was only then that Richie had the terrible thought that Henry would come into the basement to fix it himself and there was nowhere to hide, for the longest couple of seconds Richie listened intently for the noises upstairs, it was mainly Henry swearing and banging about, demanding something from Eddie before storming up the stairs.

Taking the steps two at a time Richie rushed back into the hall, "Eddie?" he whispered.

"who's there?" Eddie's voice came from the living room, poor boy hadn't moved from the sofa, stuck there with fear.

Richie's eyes had adjusted slightly to the darkness and could make out the basic layout of the living room, dropping himself onto the sofa next to Eddie, hating how warm it still was, "who do you think it is Eds? What the fuck was going on?"

"oh Richie." Eddie sounded so relieved instantly leaning in the taller boy, "it must be a power-cut."

"not the power silly, that was me." Richie quickly confessed, slipping an arm around Eddie's slightly shaking shoulders, "I mean, what the fuck was going on with Bowers?" he tried to keep the angry from his voice; he wasn't angry with Eddie, Bowers was the fucked up one he needed to deck next chance he got.

Eddie shuddered, "it was horrible, he was waiting for me outside the bathroom, told me I couldn't run anymore. I think he's bruised me." he held out his wrist even though it was still covered in gauze, "I heard him outside and didn't want him to see." Eddie quickly explained; he usually removed the gauze to shower and air his cuts during the night.

"must have been hard for you, seeing all that." Richie whispered softly, playing with the short curls at the base of Eddie's neck.

When Richie had been thirteen Bill had snuck a 'R' rated movie into their movie night, it had been very explicit, with the woman being passed about and lots of other things that had turned Stan green; it was then that Richie discovered a sound base for his feelings, since he spent the whole movie watching the hot guys instead of the pretty girl.

"I just don't see the appeal." Eddie sighed snuggling against Richie like usual, tucking himself safely into the groove of the taller boy's body, "all the noise and mess and hitting."

That was definitely more information on the type of Henry's taste of porn that Richie ever needed to know, "it's not always like that, when you do it with someone you like." Richie mused.

"still messy." Eddie huffed and looked up at Richie in the moonlight, his face soft, a small smile playing about his lips, now he was calm, "speaking of mess, you stink." but didn't push himself away.

Richie chuckled, "that's just my manly smell." he said with a grin, fighting not to look directly into Eddie's deep eyes, looking like fallen stars in the moonlight, "let's go up to your room, in case Henry comes back down."


	6. Chapter 6

Once locked inside Eddie's room the taller boy began to pull out the comics and small bag of candies he'd brought to share, since Eddie had told him he hadn't been allowed sweets Richie began bringing all his favourite to share; today's was a mixed bag of Jolly Ranchers.

"trousers off Richie." Eddie said sternly, usually Richie would have been unbuttoning himself as he tumbled through the window.

Richie laughed throatily, "at least give me a kiss first before demanding into my pants. I thought you were a gentleman." he teased even as he began to undo his belt.

What Richie certainly didn't expect was to feel Eddie grip him by the arms, stopping his movements, stand on his tiptoes and press a small, warm kiss to his slightly parted lips; the kiss didn't last very long nor was it rough but it stole the air from Richie's lungs and made his heart ache.

Pulling back Eddie seemed just as surprised by his action but he remand on his tiptoes, just staring at Richie's face with sweet, curious eyes.

Richie's mind was screaming that what had happened was wrong, boys weren't meant to kiss boys, he needed to hurt himself for converting Eddie but the kiss hadn't felt wrong; it felt amazing, with the smaller boy pressed firmly against him, Richie had wound his arms around Eddie's waist and was trying to make his tongue form words.

"well Eds. As first kisses go that was a solid nine." Richie laughed breathlessly.

Eddie took a small wheezing breath, "you told me to kiss you." he said in a tiny voice.

Now that ripped Richie's heart in two, it felt like all the warmth had been instantly sucked out of his face, his fingers turning numb and someone appeared to have placed several large stones in his stomach; of course Eddie had only kissed him because he'd said so, Eddie always did as he was told.

Even if it was watching disgusting forms of porn or taking pills that were fakes. Or in that case, kissing Richie.

Richie's thighs burned, the very skin crawled, like something was trying to get out, he needed to punish himself for his own foolishness; quickly he let go of Eddie, allowing the smaller boy to put his feet back onto the floor properly and stepped away.

"I gotta go." Richie breath, doing his belt back up and going to the window, the edges of his vision began to blur.

"what? What do you mean? Where are you going Richie?" Eddie rushed out following him to the window but not reaching out to stop him, "you're not staying?" he asked in a wavering voice.

Richie paused at the window but couldn't bare to turn, now that the night air had hit his face he realised that it was wet, he was crying, "sorry Eddie. It's not you, this is all me." he felt like such a cliche but he couldn't care at that point.

Stumbling out onto the street Richie sucked in air through a throat that was too tight, the heaviness in his stomach made his movements slow and unsteady; he felt so fucking stupid, it hurt that the one time he'd let his defences down and didn't feel bad about liking boys it was snatch away just as quick.

"Richie!" a strong, sharp voice broke through Richie's hazy brain; it was Stan, stood at the edge of his own street, arms folded in his flannel pyjamas and fluffy dressing gown, waiting for Richie to come to him.

Feeling like a lost, naughty child, Richie approached his friend, tears still streaming down his face; Stan's usually stern face morphed into something a little softer, his arms falling to his side before he held them open for Richie, who gladly fell into them.

"I'm fucking stupid." Richie sobbed, "so, so stupid."

Stan awkwardly rubbed his friends back, "yes you are, but why this time?" he asked softly, no bite or bile.

Taking shaking breaths Richie tried to stop the tears but they had a mind of their own, his thigh still throbbing painfully, "I like boys, Stan. I like Eddie." he confessed in a small voice, spilling one of his two big secrets; he'd told one to Eddie and now one to Stan, if only he had a third one to give to Bill.

"I know." Stan said instantly, "I've seen you from my window in his bedroom."

Richie pulled away, "so you saw..."

"yes. Why else would I be in the street waiting for you." Stan deadpanned.

Richie searched his friends face for disgust, anger, but didn't find any, all he found was a slightly bed rumpled Stan looking at him with concern, "you don't care?"

"why the fuck would I care Richie? I was shocked at first, seeing you with your trousers off in Eddie Kaspbrak's bedroom but you're still my trashmouth friend." Stan said with a small smile, "come on, I'll walk you home."

The two walked in silence, Richie gripped Stan's dressing gown sleeve, his chest felt a little lighter but his brain was fuzzy and he feared his thigh would be a mess by morning; a clenching feeling suddenly shot through his stomach.

"how much did you see? Through the window." Richie asked.

"you two hanging out." Stan said not looking at him, "you sure talked a lot at the poor boy."

Richie clenched his fist tightly, "nothing else?" he pressed.

"nothing I didn't already know about." Stan said still not turning back to look at him, "you ain't slick Richie, I've seen the blood on your jeans."

Against his will Richie's long legs gave out from under him, knees hitting the sidewalk bruising hard and he gave a strangled sob, a clawing in his chest and he push and pressed firmly against the deep cut on his thigh, tearing it instantly open to soak his jeans, a burning spreading through his thigh.

"Rich. Don't." Stan crouched in front of him, gripping his wrist to stop him damaging the skin anymore, "it's okay..."

"it's not okay Stan! It's not! It's wrong, wrong to feel this way, wrong to have these thoughts, I can't handle it..." Richie sobbed quickly breaking down into broken rants and sobs.

To his credit Stan remand crouching, silently listening to Richie rant and rave, just watching, waiting for his moment to speak, the moment when his friend's brain wasn't quiet so muddled with his own thoughts.

"Richie, do you know what I do when it all gets too much?" Stan asked gently once Richie's manic rantings had quietened to whimpers; he shook his head slowly, "I go into my dad's study, take one of my dad's books and read it angrily to that Judith I hate."

The image of straight faced Stan angrily reading Jewish texts to the creepy painting of 'Judith', with her flute and twisted face she'd always unnerved Stan, made Richie chuckle a little, wiping his eyes with a shaking, blood spotted hand.

"we all do different things, Bill finds bloody storm drains to yell into. This," Stan gestured to the blood soaking Richie's jeans, "isn't to kill yourself, right?" there was an edge of uncertainty to his voice.

"no, it's not like that. I just want, something else to think about, you know. When those thoughts creep in." Richie confessed.

"you're thoughts aren't bad Richie, they make you, you." Stan told him sternly, "being gay isn't a bad thing." he said it with such ease Richie envied him.

Richie smiled at his dear friend, "shame the rest of Derry would want to beat me to death for those thoughts." he said sadly.

Stan nodded curtly, "fuck this town." he said through clenched teeth, "it'll be okay Richie, I promise." he said it with such passion Richie believed him.

Finally picking himself off the floor Richie pressed himself a little closer to Stan, his dear, blunt friend who told him straight how things were; Richie felt his blood running uncomfortably down his leg and for once the fabric of his jeans rubbing on the cut didn't feel right.

"I'll try to stop. You know, hurting myself." Richie said as they came to his back yard.

Stan pinned him with a hard stare, "who are you stopping for?" he asked.

Richie paused, he was about to say Stan and Bill, then his parents who would be distraught if they found out what he had been doing, he forced himself not to think of Eddie, "me. I'll stop for me." he finally said breathlessly, the heavy feeling in his stomach finally left.

"I'm not going to monitor you but if I do see you're distressed I'll do something." Stan told him sternly but with a soft smile.

"thanks Stan. You're the best." Richie hugged his friend tightly before climbing over his yard fence.

Once inside his own room, away from the supportive voice of reason that was Stan, Richie peeled away his soaked jeans, noting the dark bruising on both knees and wiped away the worst of it, not basking in the sting or pain, and slapped a new band aid on it.

The record he'd put on was still playing, the melancholy music drifting across him, it felt weird to be home at the time of night when he'd usually be sat in Eddie's bed, the smaller boy's fingers gently dancing across the marred skin.


	7. Chapter 7

It would be two more days till Richie was allowed back at school and he figured he shouldn't see Eddie till then; the boy's words had hurt but Richie shouldn't have been surprised, Eddie went along with a lot of stuff.

"he's probably brushing the mouth germs away." Richie thought sadly but he couldn't hate Eddie, not a thing in the world could make that happen and it felt like there was a growing hole in Richie's heart.

Richie knew it wasn't Eddie's fault, the taller boy covered up so many of his true feelings with crude words and jokes, he hadn't to know that kissing him would send Richie into some kind of breakdown; Richie decided to talk to the shorter boy on Monday at school and finally explain himself a little.

Monday came agonisingly slowly, Richie was eating breakfast while he waited for Bill to come get him, suddenly Went cleared his throat, "Richie, I'm going to tell you now, please stay away from Kaspbrak and Bowers." he meant well.

"I will dad." Richie hummed with every intent of slamming Henry's face into the floor and finding somewhere to speak to Eddie privately.

"we mean it Richard." Maggie snapped, "I'll send you to live with your aunt if you get suspended again." she ranted waving the spatula at him.

"what you're mother means is, that family isn't worth getting involved with." Went quickly said, shooting his wife a quick glance.

Bill ringing his bike bell caught Richie's attention, he shoved the rest of his toast into his mouth, "I'll be a good boy!" he called as he rushed out of the door, "Big Bill! I missed you." he grinned at his friend.

Bill rolled his eyes, "y-you saw me on fr-friday." he laughed and they took off to meet Stan.

Being free during the daytime was refreshing, it fuelled Richie's need to talk, so he chatted endlessly to Bill while biking around in circles, who was only half listening, he was just happy to have his friend back at school.

After picking Stan up Richie had to fight not to turn down Eddie's street, he didn't need to be suspended again before he even got back onto school grounds; he heard Bill asking Stan about it to which he got a vague reply.

"Trashmouth!" Beverly was stood by the bike shed when Richie arrived at school, "suspended? Hardcore." she high-fived him and held out a pack of cigarettes, "without you tapping them off me I managed to save a whole packet!"

"thanks Bevvy, appropriate it." Richie laughed, happily taking the packet just as Ben appeared, wearing his football jersey and kissing Beverly on the cheek and it clicked in Richie's brain, he sniggered, "he thinks you've stopped right?" he whispered when Ben had turned away.

Beverly hit him lightly, "shut it smart arse. Don't you dare tell him." she hissed.

Richie promised not to say anything as she went into school arm in arm with Ben, Richie felt a little jealous, at that moment Officer Bowers police car parked up.

Leaning against the bike shed Richie, Bill and Stan watched as Eddie walked into school with Henry uncomfortable by his side, the smaller boy looked desperate to escape, especially when he saw Richie but he didn't dare move with his mom watching from the car.

At every lesson Richie handed in all the work he'd completed, acted like his usual self during class, shouting out the answers and making paper airplanes when he should have been listening to others; he felt back to normal except for the pulling feeling in his chest.

It was during lunchtime that Richie found himself being pulled into an empty classroom, he knew it wasn't Bowers because the older boy liked to make a scene when he bullied someone, he thought maybe Beverly was going to demand her cigarettes back but he was met by a nervous looking Eddie.

"hey Eds." Richie said softly, the pull in his chest grew.

"what did I do wrong?" Eddie blurted out, "tell me, please! I know you said it wasn't me but it must have been. Was it cos I let Henry make me watch that porn? Was it the kiss?" he continued to ramble, tumbling over his words and picking at the gauze, "please tell me Richie, I'll fix it."

Richie placed a hand on Eddie's shoulder, savouring the warmth, "you did nothing wrong Eds, I promise." he told him softly.

"then why did you leave? Why didn't you come back!" Eddie's eyes filled with tears, it looked like he'd done some crying before school too.

"it wasn't any one thing Eds, just a few things got a bit much." Richie tried to explain calmly but Eddie's panic was building.

"it's cos I kissed you isn't it? I should have known you were joking." Eddie ranted fumbling with his fanny pack for his inhaler but the zip wasn't coming undone.

Richie reached into the pocket of his bag and pulled out the inhaler he had stashed there, he held it to Eddie's quivering lips, "I liked the kiss Eddie and that's the problem." he confessed as Eddie took a few deep breaths.

"if you liked it then why did you leave?" Eddie asked still with a little wheeze to his breaths.

Sighing deeply Richie sat on one of the desks, "because I liked it." he said slowly, "I really liked kissing you and it should have been wrong."

Eddie blinked owlishly at him, trying to make sense of his words, "mommy says that. That boys kissing boys is wrong." he said in a small voice.

"and you're mom is never wrong." Richie said sarcastically, his own words hitting him hard; he felt a little weird that the thought of people like Mrs Kaspbrak were the people who hated him and he hated them right back.

"it didn't feel wrong. When I was doing it. When you left it felt wrong." Eddie muttered, twisting his fingers.

Richie watched him for a moment, trying to figure the smaller boy out, so repressed and scared, "why did you kiss me Eddie?" he finally asked. 

"cos you told me to." Eddie replied innocently.

The feeling in Richie's chest felt like his heart was being yanked out through closed skin, he nodded sadly, tears fogging his vision, "that's what I thought." his voice didn't sound like his own.

"but you wanted me to kiss you right? You said so but I guess you were kidding, but then you wouldn't have said it if you didn't want to, just a little..." Eddie said breathlessly.

"I did want you to kiss me, for weeks I wanted you to kiss me because I like you Eddie, I like you a lot more than you like me. And that's fine, cos it has to be." Richie rambled rubbing his chest slightly to ease the pain.

There was a long, tense silence between them, the noises of other students just beyond the door, before Eddie suddenly gave a sharp yell and flung himself at Richie, hitting him firmly on the chest a few times and then wrapping his skinny arms around the taller boy's waist.

"you're the only person who's ever given a shit about me." Eddie's voice was muffled as he pressed his face into Richie's chest, "nobody cared before, nobody made time for me. I was so alone."

Richie couldn't help but wrap his arms around Eddie, breathing in the slightly sterile smell, "I know you were Eds." 

"you were always there for me, saving me. Please come back, I'll be sorry about the kiss if you want me to be, for hurting you." the smaller boy ranted, his grip tightening with every word.

Sweeping back Eddie's slightly ruffled fringe Richie took the risk to kiss it, enjoying the soft, slightly sweaty skin for a moment, "don't say sorry for it, at least I'll have that memory when we go back to being friends. I'll come round tonight, yeah?" he tried to make things normal.

Eddie pulled back, a small frown on his face, he was thinking of something, "kiss me." he said sharply.

Richie chucked, low and hallow, sliding off of the desk but gripping the edge tightly, "that's not how it works Eds."

"you said before I didn't like you how you like me but I do, I really do. Kiss me please." Eddie said quickly, fists tight in the front of Richie's bright shirt.

"Eddie, this isn't a casual thing for me, I've literally scarred myself for life because of these feelings. Don't toy..." Richie was cut off by Eddie kissing him gently.

It was a much more purposeful kiss than before, slightly open mouthed with soft lips, Eddie breathed softly through his nose and closed his eyes gently, pressing himself firmly against Richie's taller body; the feeling in Richie's chest spread all across his body but it didn't feel quiet so bad now it had spread out.

Richie heart was thumping extra loud in his chest, or maybe it was Eddie's too, he wrapped his arms around Eddie's small waist to support him as the smaller boy was stood on his tiptoes, and revelled in the warmth of the kiss.

The kiss felt wonderful, sweet and gentle, all those nights Richie had wanted to kiss Eddie came crashing into that single kiss until the pair finally pulled away with a small pop, sighing softly as they opened their eyes.

Eddie immediately dived back in for several more quick kisses, apparently unable to help himself, "I really like you Richie." he whispered.

A massive part of Richie's brain had shut down during the small kisses so he blinked rapidly to get his brain in gear, "kissing me like that I should hope you do." he laughed lightly and lifted Eddie up to place the smaller boy onto one of the desks.

"that's cold." Eddie complained wrapping his arms around the taller boy's neck and pulling them further together, "I'm being serious, I like you Richie, lots." he said earnestly.

Richie couldn't stop smiling even though he knew he should feel bad, like what he felt was wrong but he couldn't, not in the arms of the boy he really liked and who liked him back; he felt light, "I like you too." saying those words out loud felt good, really good and he kissed Eddie gently.


	8. Chapter 8

And for those moments in the empty classroom where it was just the two of them, arms wrapped around each other, savouring each others warmth's, the small sweet kisses exchanged, it was wonderful like there was nothing else in the world that they needed to care about but the end of lunch bell ringing ruined it.

"my dad says I have to stay away." Richie sighed still not moving away.

"mommy and Officer Bowers said the same thing." Eddie told him sadly but pulled the other boy towards him for another kiss, his thighs tightening either side of Richie's hips.

Richie sighed happily into the soft kiss, "so I'll see you tonight then?" he chuckled.

Eventually Richie stepped away for Eddie to slide off the table, he immediately gripped the taller boy's hand tightly, smiling softly up at him, "we'll have to be normal out there won't we?" he said a little sadly.

"yeah, pretend we don't love each other in case Henry is watching." Richie mused, not noticing he'd used the 'love' word instead of 'like'.

If Eddie heard him, which he certainly did as he smiled a little more foolishly, his blush deepening, he didn't say anything out loud instead he held out his wrist and rolled up the gauze a little, "look what Henry did to me, when he made me watch that movie."

There was a terribly dark, hand shaped bruise going around the whole of Eddie's little wrist, the pressure must have been tight for it to bruise like that, even the little white cuts had turned a light purple and just because he could now Richie lifted it to his lips and placed a gently kiss there.

"I'll beat the shit out of him after school." Richie promised with a grin.

Eddie's face turned serious, "don't go near him Richie, you know how dangerous he is." he touched the healed cut on the taller boy's cheek.

Richie couldn't resist pinching Eddie's flushed cheeks, entertained by his scrunched up serious face, "you're so cute Eds!" he teased and when Eddie whined a little Richie began chanting "cute, cute cute."

"you're being annoying." Eddie snapped batting away the taller boy's teasing fingers, then instantly shrank away, "I mean..."

Unable to help himself, plus not wanting the shorter boy to spiral into a panic attack, Richie kissed his cheek firmly, feeling the hot skin on his lips, "that's part of my charm, you know you like it."

With a final sweet kiss the pair agreed that they should leave the empty classroom separately as to avoid being seen together by anyone, especially Henry, so Richie slipped out first to go find Stan and Bill; not that he was going to tell his friends what had happened.

"stop smiling like that, it's unnerving." Stan said on their way out of school.

Richie had been grinning like an idiot since lunch, he couldn't stop thinking about Eddie's soft lips on his, the small, warm body pressed tightly against his own, the feeling of their hearts beating together and he couldn't wait to kiss Eddie again that night.

Wolfing down his dinner Richie quickly pulled his shoes and coat back on, now he was no longer grounded didn't have to escape through his window any more, but he couldn't mention he was going to Eddie's, "I'm off to see Stanley!" he announced already halfway out of the door.

"be back by ten!" his mom shouted after him.

As Richie walked through Derry he still felt like he'd lost some of his freedom, usually he'd be in Eddie's room till the small hours of the morning but now his mom was expecting him home before they went to bed.

"Richie." Eddie was waiting for him at an open window, his cheeks were flushed and hair wet.

Just because he could Richie kissed the smaller boy before he'd even started climbing in the window, the thorns of the rose digging into his palms but he didn't care, the situation was too romantic to pass up.

"you okay Eds?" Richie asked noticing Eddie's arms were still covered.

Eddie gave a long suffering sigh, "Henry has gotten worse, he's trying to convince momm- mom to take the lock off the bathroom door."

Richie pulled Eddie into a hug, "what a creep." he muttered.

For a long time the boys just hugged, enjoying each others warmth; in that room when it was just the two of them the urge to hurt himself was reduced to nothing, everything felt right with the world and Richie allowed those thoughts and feelings to engulf his body so hard his heart hurt a little.

Normally the thoughts would have meant he had to hurt himself, even just a little bit, punishment for those 'unnatural' thoughts but he didn't feel the prickle on his thighs like normal and the bruises on his knees genuinely hurt instead of being soothing.

"you're still dressed." Eddie commented into Richie's chest, his shy fingers on the waistband of the taller boy's jeans.

Richie snorted a small laugh, "what is it with you and my legs? Am I just that irresistible?" he waggled his eyebrows but Eddie looked downcast, "what's up?"

Through one of the rips in Richie's jeans he could feel Eddie's fingers rubbing over some of the cuts, it was a mindless act and Richie didn't mind it, it was the quietness that he didn't like, "you gunna talk to me Eds? You can tell me anything?" Richie pressed.

Eddie sat heavily on his bed, fingers still embedded in the rips, "it's dumb." he muttered.

Laughing lightly again Richie stripped off his jeans, his own fingers brushing over his damaged thighs, before he cupped Eddie's face and pressing a kiss to his lips, "is it a physical contact thing? Or do you like my scars?"

"I don't know." Eddie sighed a whole hand spread across Richie's thigh, "they're not like mine. I'll stop touching them if you don't like it."

"I'm not proud of them but if you like touching them I don't mind, you feel nice." Richie blushed, "love you." he kissed Eddie's forehead.

Eddie smiled softly, "I love you too. You're the only person I do love." he confessed.

Dropping onto the bed next to the smaller boy Richie pulled him close, "that's amazing to hear." And it really was, Richie felt so happy and light with Eddie, someone who loved and trusted him completely.

"oh, I saved theses." Eddie suddenly perked up, diving under his pillow for the bag of candies from Richie's previous visit, "I didn't eat any, promise."

Richie chuckled, "why not? I brought them for you." he took one of the Jolly Ranchers, a bright red one, and held it Eddie's lips, slightly forcing it passed his lips and onto the waiting tongue.

"yummy!" Eddie's face lit up as he sucked on the candy, he bounced slightly and poured the rest of the Jolly Ranchers onto his bed, quickly picking out the red ones.

Richie began to telling the shorter boy about the time Bill put one of each flavour in his mouth during Chemistry and it was the only time the teacher had ever picked him to answer a question, resulting in Bill spitting out a gooey rainbow.

From downstairs the taller boy suddenly heard a different voice to Henry's disgusting movies, "Eds, you're mom isn't home, is she?" Richie asked a little breathlessly.

Eddie looked up from the comic he'd been only half reading while Richie had been talking, the Jolly Rancher on his tongue had practically dissolved, "Officer Bowers had to work tonight, some extra paperwork or something, so they couldn't go on their usual date." Eddie explained.

"don't tell me she's watching porn with Henry?" Richie giggled disgusted by his own thought.

Eddie pulled a revolted face, going a little green, "no way! Blurg! Richie that's gross." he playfully hit him.

"Eddie Bear? It's time for beddy-byes." Mrs Kaspbrak shouted, her heavy footfalls on the stairs, "I'm coming to tuck you in."

Quickly scrambling for his jeans Richie tried to pull them on while Eddie gathered up all the candies, "that's my cue to leave Eds. Love you." the taller boy kissed Eddie deeply, not wanting to pull away, tasting the overly sweet candy on his tongue, but the rattle of the door handle sent him hurtling out of the window faster than he'd ever moved.

Richie felt giddy as he made his way into the street, buttoning up his jeans, only then realising he'd left his jean jacket on Eddie's floor, he still had about forty minuets till he had to be home so the taller boy made his way to the river bank for a quick smoke.

For the next week the pair followed the same kind of routine, sneaking off during lunch to kiss and be away from prying eyes, then on a night Richie would leave his house under the guise of visiting his friends to spend more time with Eddie in his room.

"how long can this last?" Eddie asked as he straddled Richie's flat stomach on the Saturday night; it was certainly an intimate situation with Eddie's bare thighs brushing against his own skin, leaving a trail of fire.

"what do you mean? I was hoping to stay in this position all night." Richie teased running his hands up the shorter boy's smooth thighs, gently touching under the hem of the shorts.

Eddie rolled his eyes but smiled, "I mean all this sneaking around, I really want to be normal with you in public." he sighed deeply.

"I want that too Eds but this town is so shit-ass backwards who knows what would happen if they saw us so much as holding hands, let alone be a couple." Richie sighed too and pulled Eddie down for a small kiss.

Shifting Eddie rolled to lay beside the taller boy, his legs still slung over Richie's hips, "I'm going to pretend to be sick tomorrow, so you can come during the day if you like?" he asked softly.

Richie wrapped his arms tightly around Eddie, feeling the shorter boy's soft hairs brushing against his damaged skin; he'd not cut himself all week so his scars were healing but several times, late at night when Richie had trouble sleeping, he'd found himself pressing onto the bruises and burns, keeping them tender.

"I'd like that." Richie hummed before tickling Eddie's sides lightly, "look at you Eds, lying to your mom and sneaking a boy into your room." he teased and kissed the smaller boy as he squirmed.


	9. Chapter 9

In the morning Richie got up early, surprising Went who was leaving for his Sunday shift, the tall boy casually lied that he was going to hang out with Beverly for the day; it seemed like his parents didn't care who he hung out with, as long as it wasn't Eddie.

The streets of Derry were a little busier with people wondering around the shops or small children skipping out on church but Richie felt happy, practically dancing giddily down the street.

While Richie was mindlessly making his way to Eddie's, the image of the shorter boy still bundled up in his duvet pretending to be ill with a fake cough and holding a thermometer over a light-bulb, he didn't notice the bright red, sports car pull up beside him.

Richie suddenly found himself being pulled inside the car, he let out a yell before he felt something round and hard being shoved between his teeth and arms being pinned to his sides, looking around he saw Patrick, all elbows, knees and big teeth, at the wheel and Peter, more muscles than brains, was holding him firmly.

Struggling against the other boy Richie tried to shout but they came out muffled, his lips pulled uncomfortably wide around the ball-gag, the strap was digging into his face; the tall boy managed to get an arm free to reach for the door but it was just out of his reach.

"shut the fuck up and stay down." Patrick sneered as Peter forced the gagged Richie into the disgusting leather seat with his arms pressed tightly behind his back, keeping him out of sight as they drove through Derry.

Richie felt his heart beating hard in his chest, he began to sweat intensely because he had no idea what was going on; why were Bowers' goons in his car without their temperamental leader, where were they taking him and where the hell did they get a ball-gag.

Feeling the car turn down a sharp corner Richie was yanked back into the sitting position by his hair, Peter pulling at the curly strands painfully, spit dribbled down Richie's chin but he couldn't swallow or wipe it away.

Richie saw they'd turned down Eddie's street and there outside the house was Henry and Eddie but the shorter boy defiantly didn't look like he wanted to be there, a terrified pale look on his face that only got worse when he spotted Richie in the back seat.

"get in girly boy." Henry snarled practically throwing Eddie, still wearing his pyjamas, into the seat beside the restrained Richie, before leaning over the back of his seat to grab Eddie by his face in a bruising grip, "no fucking touching."

Henry's face was blotched red with fury, his eyes were manic even as they glared at the pair of them in the rear-view mirror, he'd apparently lost his mind and nobody, not even his goons, knew what he was planning.

Looking over Richie saw Eddie shaking all over, hands clasped tightly around both of his own wrists in a desperate attempt to not touch the taller boy, who arms had gone numb under Peter's grip; their eyes met in terrified worry.

"wh-wh-where are we going Henry?" Eddie asked bravely as they seemed to have driven twice around Derry.

"shut the fuck up faggot." Henry snapped spinning in his seat and punched Richie hard in the head, "every time you speak you're boyfriend gets a punch." he warned.

It was all the warning Eddie needed to press his lips tightly together even though all Richie wanted to do, even with his pounding headache, was to removed the ball-gag, the straps were now digging into his cheeks painfully, and shout obscene things at the bully.

Finally Henry told Patrick to stop the car, who was no longer grinning, they's stopped on the outskirts of the forest, somewhere the club house was gathering dust; both Richie and Eddie were hauled out of the car, gripped tightly by the arms and frog-marched into the uneven ground of the forest.

Richie didn't know what to think or even if he could make a run for it with Eddie, so he allowed himself, spit making his chin very uncomfortable and head pounding, to be dragged through the trees.

Before he knew it Henry had chosen a place to commit whatever he was planning; a small clearing with one large tree that had been hit by lighting years ago leaving a huge black spilt and obscuring a lot of the midday sun.

Henry grabbed Richie by the back of his hair, undoing the strap of the ball-gag, allowing it to fall from his aching mouth, before being thrown to the rough forest floor, "what the fuck is your problem?" Richie snapped rubbing the angry welts on either sides of his face.

Still with a wild look in his eyes Henry sat heavily on Richie's stomach forcing his arms back to his sides, a vast contrast to Eddie doing the same thing the night before, and slammed his hand over Richie's mouth, "my problem is that you insist on living." his breath reeked the closer he got but the hand on his face prevented Richie from moving away.

Richie struggled under the bully's weight, trying to get his arms loose again, to defend himself as the punches began to rain down on his face; pain burst instantly through Richie but he still felt someone undoing his jeans.

"don't!" Eddie shouted from where Patrick was holding him, "he hasn't done anything wrong." his voice was thick and was holding back tears, "please stop Henry." he begged.

Henry paused in his beating of Richie, the boy's face now a mass of blooming bruises and trickling blood, his glasses had smashed on one side, Henry turned to the short boy with a manic smile, "I thought you liked him naked." he mocked.

Finally getting some of his senses to cooperate through the pain Richie kicked Peter hard in the face before he'd managed to even undo the jeans completely and it resulted in getting another savage beating.

Richie had no idea how long Henry hit him, maybe just a few minuets, maybe it was hours, all Richie knew was that Eddie was crying and begging for the bully to stop but Henry wasn't listening.

It felt like Richie's face was on fire, the bully's burning touch had covered every inch, Richie was struggling to breath with the weight on his chest and his head kept hitting the solid ground beneath him with every punch.

"wait, right, here." Henry panted having exhausted himself from beating up Richie and got up to collect something from the bag Peter, nose still pouring blood, was holding.

Taking in a shuddering breath Richie tried to register what was even happening, the pain was bad even though he'd done so much worse to himself not long ago, "like I have a fucking choice." he muttered, blood tricking from his mouth.

A grunt caught his attention, not that he could get his body to move, to see Eddie ramming his sharp elbow into Patrick's stomach and running to Richie, dropping to his knees rather painfully, "oh god, Richie, you're poor face!" Eddie gasped gently touching the damage, wiping away blood, "sit up quick."

It took extra effort for Richie to force his body to sit up,his whole head was pounding, chest was still tight from being sat on and his arms had shooting pins and needles but he needed to do it, for Eddie.

"Hey! What did I fucking tell you, you shitty fag!" Henry was storming back to them and finally Richie made himself move, only to shift Eddie slightly away.

"please stop this Henry, he's done nothing wrong, he's my friend." Eddie said quickly and took Richie's hand instinctively.

A blazing fire appeared in Henry's eyes at the sight of the pair holding hands but before he could take another step forwards something flew through the air and slammed hard into Henry's face; sending him flying backwards and out for the count.

Richie's slightly unfocused eyes landed on a pair of now broken binoculars, with a stiff neck he looked up into the lighting burnt tree to see two small figures high on one of the branches.

"Stan. Bill." Richie said their names fondly, a smile on his pained lips.

Smiling Richie vaguely remembered it was Sunday and no matter what, whether it was raining or blazing sunshine, Stan would be out bird watching; he must have dragged Bill along for the quiet company.

With skill and speed Bill was down the tree in a flash, pulling his bike 'Silver' from behind the tree, "q-quick!" he shouted.

Eddie helped Richie awkwardly to his feet with the taller boy gasping for breath, they stumbled towards Bill but Patrick was quicker pulling Richie back to where the bullying leader was waking up, a terribly dark bruise already coming up on his forehead.

"take Eddie back! Now Bill!" Richie shouted as he was dragged away and thrown into Henry.

For a moment Richie simply stood there chest to chest, face to face, with Henry who's expression was eerily calm until he registered the searing, burning pain in his abdomen and the hot blood soaking his clothes.

Henry looked smug, he twisted the knife slightly, tearing more skin, spilling more blood, before yanking it out, "let's go guys. We're done here." he shouted at his goons and swaggered away like he'd done nothing wrong despite the blood on his hands.

Every single breath in Richie's lungs had been pressed out as his hands clenched across the stab wound, the blood seeping instantly through his fingers and down passed his shaking knees, there was a ringing in his ears he almost didn't hear Eddie approach.

"what did you say to him?" Eddie asked almost relieved until he saw Richie's stricken face, "Rich..." he saw the blood pouring from the taller boy's stomach.

"you got any band aids?" Richie laughed weakly, feeling his legs give way, the world appearing to drop away from under him.

Luckily both Bill and Stan were there to catch him from hitting the hard floor again, Richie could hear Stan's muffled frantic voice telling Bill to bike into town for help before applying pressure to the wound.

"what do we do?" Eddie was beside him again, brushing away the hair from his forehead accidentally touching the marks there too.

"where's your fanny pack?" Stan snapped a panic in his usually stoic voice, "you've got everything in that bloody thing." 

With a blood soaked hand Richie touched Stan's face, knowing it would annoy him into listening, "don't shout at Eddie." Richie's voice was quivering.

Everything had gone blurry, Richie only just realising that someone had taken his glasses off, before his vision began to go spotty and then fade to white.

"I, love you guys." Richie pushed out, unable to feel his limbs, only heavy replacements, "differently, but still lov...." before he could finish his sentence everything went blank.


	10. Chapter 10

Richie woke up two weeks later; sore, swollen, aching and confused but alive, not that it felt good to have trouble breathing or being unable to move any of his limbs even though his brain was screaming at them to move.

So for the first couple of hours after waking Richie laid perfectly still in the cold hospital bed while he listened to the world around him of beeping and someone, probably a stretched for time nurse, bustled loudly into the room once or twice, swearing under their breath, but other than that Richie was alone when he finally opened his eyes.

Everything was blurry because Richie wasn't wearing his glasses but he could see the daylight was being obscured by the blinds being shut tight, all around were spots of colour against the white walls, there was a tube down his nose, Richie could feel it in the back of his throat too but it was hurting now he was awake and tried to swallow.

While Richie was desperately trying to make his arm and fingers move so he could get his glasses the door opened but it wasn't the angry nurse from before, "hi Richie." it was Eddie.

Unfortunately Richie couldn't make his voice work, even if his heart thumped happily, so he remained still as Eddie took the seat beside him, arranging the colourful bundle next to the bed before taking the taller boy's numb fingers in his own, not noticing Richie's eyes on him.

"Stan and Bill said they'd come by later but I couldn't wait." Eddie said softly, as if afraid to speak too loudly in a hospital, "even unconscious you're the best part of my day."

"move your dam fingers!" Richie screamed at himself but his body still wasn't listening.

By some fortune the heart monitor attached began to get louder, almost like an alarm, giving the signal that Richie was actually awake; Eddie jumped up in shock, leaning over the taller boy to see his eyes open.

"Richie! You're finally awake." Eddie breathed a bright smile spreading across his slightly tired face but it didn't last long as a doctor and three nurses burst into the room, shoving Eddie into a corner.

The next hour or so were a sort of blur, every vital in his body was checked twice, his sore body was poked and probed, lights were shone in his eyes and the feeding tube was extracted from his throat, making him gag but it brought relief.

"e-e-ed-eddie." Richie managed to gasp out the feeling finally coming back into his fingers and toes as one of the nurses added something to the IV bag.

"I'm still here Richie." Eddie's voice came from the corner.

"fuck, it hurts." Richie hissed as the feeling finally returned to the rest of his body and he was handed his glasses, getting rid of the headache that was blooming.

The medical staff seemed happy with Richie's state so they left to call his parents about his waking up, Eddie was immediately back by his side, "oh Rich, I missed you so much." his big brown eyes were shining with tears.

Richie smiled even though his face hurt, "wh-what happened?" he asked, having nothing but a blank slate between getting stabbed and waking up.

Eddie sighed deeply, taking the taller boy's hand and pressing it gently to his own warm cheek, "you've been asleep for two weeks.....

In the horrifying moment Richie's blooded hand dropped from Stan's cheek, leaving a trail across his skin, Eddie felt his heart stop, "Richie? Richie!" the shorter boy gasped placing his hand on Richie's chest.

The heartbeat was stumbling and faint but it was there and Eddie prayed it would still be there by the time Bill got help.

Eddie had never thought the day would turn out like this, he'd planned the day of messing about in his bedroom, listening to Richie's funny voices and stories, maybe the taller boy would bring new candies; they were going to snuggle under the duvet and kiss, and maybe more.

The past couple of months had been the best times of Eddie's life, even before Officer Bowers and Henry moved in Eddie was downtrodden and alone a lot but then Richie, loud mouthed, funny, handsome Richie barrelled his way into Eddie's life.

The love and attention Richie showered on Eddie, not to mention the patience, was something Eddie began to crave instead of cutting himself; he'd cut himself for years, so afraid of living to see the next day, afraid to be a disappointment again.

Seeing Richie hurt himself was a shock at first, the shorter boy believed nobody but himself did such a thing, but Richie's were different to his, they were full of secrets but he allowed Eddie to touch them.

The love had come on so quickly because Richie was so easy to love, so easy to trust, that Eddie couldn't wait to leave Derry and spend their lived together away from angry, prying eyes.

But now Richie was laid on the hard forest floor, blood pouring from his nose and lips, bruises swelling his face so much he was almost unrecognisable, the whole bottom half of Richie's clothes were soaked with darkened blood and Eddie had no idea how to help.

"don't you dare fucking die on me Trashmouth." Stan hissed still applying pressure to the wound, a crazed look on his usually calm face, "hurry Bill."

Eddie hadn't meant to start crying but Richie was growing cold before him, his mind began to race from the thought of no more Richie, "what do we do?" he gasped out trying to rub warmth back into the taller boy's blood soaked fingers.

Stan's face, smeared in Richie's blood, looked wild and lost, tears were shining in his eyes, "I don't know." he finally said.

Moments later Bill came crashing through the trees with two paramedics behind him carrying a stretcher and in that moment Richie was whisked away; Stan stumbled to his feet, grabbing Eddie's hand as he did, and they made tracks after the paramedics.

"wait! We need to come too!" Stan yelled.

"you hurt?" the male paramedic snapped not turning around.

"no, but.."

"you family?" the female paramedic cut across.

Eddie was breathing harshly to keep pace with Stan's long strides but he couldn't tear his eyes from the stretcher "we're his friends." he managed.

They'd finally come to the edge of the woods where an ambulance was waiting where they gently bundled Richie into the back before turning their stony faces to the three panting boys, "family only." the male said bluntly, "visiting hours are two till six."

"if he makes it." the female added flatly and slammed the ambulance doors loudly.

Stan was not a quiet crier loud gasps and thick non-stop tears, Bill was more of a gasper with hot tears, but their tears and noise were ignored by the town as they boys walked home; Bill left first to be greeted by a worried Georgie on the porch.

Eddie didn't know what to say, his whole throat was sticky from crying, not that he thought any words would make it better; Richie was in hospital and there was nothing to make that situation better.

When they came to Eddie's street an awful thought came to him, "Henry." he stupidly whispered out-loud stopping dead in his tracks.

Stan's hand, still clutched tightly in his own clammy one, clenched angrily at the sound of the bully's name, "he'll be at your house, won't he?" he asked through clenched teeth.

"he's, he's probably told mommy a ton of lies." Eddie sobbed.

After a few moments of sniffing Stan wiped his face roughly, barely wiping away the dried blood, stood tall and marched down the road to Eddie's house, the shorter boy stumbling along beside him.

Eddie's heart was in his ears as the pair came to the front door, it looked so innocent but something sinister laid within, but he didn't stop Stan from knocking firmly on the door, his hand tightening.

It was Officer Bowers who answered the door, his weathered face looked surprised momentarily before he made a move to grab Eddie, something he often did in guise of being a protective father figure but it was possessive and often bruised.

However, Stan was quicker moving the shorter boy out of the way, "I'd like to report a crime." he said in a level, clear voice that didn't match his dishevelled appearance.

Officer Bowers rolled his eyes, "then go to the police station. Eddie come in now, you're mother is worried." he snapped, making another grab.

"I'd also like to tattle to a parent about their child." Stan continued.

"what are you going on about little Rabbi?" Officer Bowers sighed.

Frowning Stan stood taller, "Henry took Eddie from this house without his mother's knowledge, took him to the dangerous woods and stabbed Richie Tozier!" his voice became louder the more he spoke.

"stabbed?" Officer Bowers repeated finally looking the boys over properly, taking in the blood, bruises, twigs and leaves, mud stained knees and tear filled eyes.

"call the hospital if you don't believe me." Stan snarled, "plus check your son's hands for blood, or the knife." he was shaking.

Officer Bowers was silent for a moment before his own small dark eyes filled with fury, "Henry!" he screamed turning back into the house.

Eddie thought he'd never see the day Officer Bowers would turn on his son, the man had been in a blissful bubble being taken care of by Mrs Kaspbrak that he had constantly turned a blind eye to his son's behaviour because it was easier.

But Officer Bowers had taken one look at Henry as he came swaggering down the stairs, Richie's blood still staining his clothes, before cuffing him and reading him his rights; Henry appeared to be just as shocked, swearing and kicking over the hallway table.

"I want statements from you both and not a word to your mother." Officer Bower snapped at them both as he shoved Henry none too gently into the back of the police car, "this will blow over."

"he's practically a murderer, why would we want this to blow over?" Eddie found his voice and it was angry, all the years of abuse was bubbling to the surface, "I should tell mom everything, including that channel you pay for him to watch. He beat and stabbed my friend! The one person I fucking care about!" he was gasping for breath but couldn't care, "I won't let this blow over, I will tell this whole fucking town if I have to!"

Officer Bowers had never been confronted by Eddie, the shorter boy had always timidly allowed everything to happen to him, but he didn't want to let that happen anymore, Richie had given him so much confidence.

Very slowly Officer Bowers nodded, "he'll be put away. Not jail but an asylum. Not a word to your mother." he bargained.

"pay Richie's medicals too and I'll stay silent." Eddie told him firmly.

Without another word Officer Bowers nodded and climbed in to the drivers seat, taking away a screaming Henry, howling and snarling like a wild animal in the back seat; Eddie let out a huge breath, sagging with relief against Stan, heart thumping, he couldn't wait to tell Richie.

Heart giving a sad beat Eddie saw poor battered Richie on that stretcher in his mind's eye but quickly replaced it with the taller boy smiling happy face, "no, he'll be okay." he thought determinedly.

"are you going to tell your mom?" Stan asked in an almost daze.

Eddie thought about it, "no. She wouldn't believe me anyway." he said, "we should get cleaned up then we can visit Richie."

"you really think he's going to be okay?" Stan breathed looking sad and hopeful.

Before the shorter boy would have said no, being attacked like that meant certain death, especially from Henry, but Eddie felt it deep down that Richie was going to be okay, because he had to be, for all of them.

"of course he is, it's Richie. He wouldn't leave loved ones behind." Eddie said with a small smile.

Finally Stan let go of Eddie's hand, which had become quite numb without either of them noticing, and left to go home to wash up, Eddie did the same thing; once he's scrubbed every inch of himself, not looking as the blood washed down the drain, Eddie went to his room for fresh clothes.

It was then he spotted the denim jacket flung carelessly onto the floor, Richie's jacket, he'd left it the previous night because he was too lazy to search through the dark to find it, picking it up Eddie hoped to smell the comforting smell of Richie but it just smelt like unwashed clothes and sweat.

It didn't stop Eddie from putting the jacket on everyday.

On the first trip to the hospital to visit Richie the three of them were turned away on request of Richie's parents, they hadn't wanted to traumatise the boys anymore but after the third persistent visit they were allowed in.

Richie had fallen into a temporary coma from his injuries, the stab wound had been easily fixed, the blade had been so short it had been sudden blood loss and shock that had made Richie fall unconscious.

"shit." Stan hissed under his breath and closed his eyes tight, unable to look at his friend's bruised face.

Eddie picked up the chart at the foot of the bed while Bill began to chat to Richie's prone form, he kept glancing up to admire the steady rise and fall of the taller boy's chest before something on the paper caught his eye:

Purposeful damage caused to both thighs, old and new lacerations, no infections, cream to be administrated three times daily, parents notified.

The doctors had found the scars on Richie and told his parents, Eddie frowned, he knew doctors had a duty but they might as well as split open each of those scars and let all the secrets spill from them.

Eddie didn't tell the others, instead he went to find one of the doctors and explain; it took a full hour to explain but the finally the doctors understood, weren't happy about it but understood, his eyes flicking to Eddie's bandaged arms.


	11. Chapter 11

"...and we've visited every day. I sometimes come during lunch to see you." Eddie sighed deeply once he'd finished speaking, it was the most he'd spoken in a while.

Richie was glad he was lying down because that was a lot to take in, his finger instinctively went for his thighs, rubbing over the smooth damage but trying not to pick at them; he shook away the gnawing guilt of the disappointment his parents must have felt when they found out his secret.

"making the most of me being quiet?" Richie teased.

Eddie looked sad, his big eyes filling with un-shed tears, "I hated it. Not hearing you talk, I could barely hear you breath." he said quietly.

"have they spoken to you? My parents, I mean." Richie asked his mouth becoming dry.

Eddie shifted uneasily, "they asked me if I'd known." he gripped the starched sheet of the bed beside Richie's hand, "when I said that I did I thought your dad was going to punch me."

His body twitching on instinct Richie gripped Eddie's smaller, shaking hand, "he didn't though, right?" Richie never admitted that his dad had once hit him in a temper, young Richie had been pushing his luck and Went was stressed with everything else in life.

Of course his dad had apologised over and over for hitting him, only the faintest of bruises had bloomed on Richie's face, and promised it would never happen again, naturally Richie believed his dad and it hadn't happened but Eddie wasn't his kid and Eddie knew a massive life threatening secret.

"no he didn't." Eddie said softly before a brighter smile took over his face, "you must be starving!" he drove into his bag and pulled out a bag of candies.

Half a dozen empty Jolly Rancher wrappers fell out of the bag when Eddie tipped it onto the bed, he picked out an apple one and pressed it onto Richie's tongue.

The candy was overly sweet on his just waking up taste buds, it was much too sticky to swallow and Richie was too weak to chew it so he ended up just letting it dissolve until Eddie noticed his pinched face.

"here." Eddie gently pushed a straw between Richie's lips; the water made all the difference, his senses weren't overwhelmed.

Richie chucked a little once the candy had been reduced to a sliver, "let's save the candies for when I get out, who knows what the doctors will think is wrong with me with this colour tongue." he winked and stuck out his bright green tongue.

Eddie giggled, a small refreshing sound, before sticking out his own bright red tongue and then pitching forwards to kiss Richie softly.

It was another week before Richie was released from hospital, in that time his parents had fussed around him, making sure he was warm, entertained and comfortable: neither of them mentioned the cuts but he could tell they were concerned.

Stan came to visit on his own a few times, telling him all about the birds he'd seen that week and showing off the new pair of binoculars his dad had bought him; he rolled his eyes at Richie's jokes but seemed glad to hear them and hugged his friend when he left.

Bill brought him all the homework he'd missed, apparently having drawn the short straw, plus all the modules he'd missed in class, not a lot by the sounds of it, plus the new story he'd been writing but was struggling with the ending, Bill sucked at endings; not that Richie's lewd suggestions were any better.

When Beverly came she brought a new packet of smokes, a small bottle of stolen whiskey and a ton of rumours that had been going around school about what had happened that day in the woods.

"...of course it hasn't helped that Eddie is coming to school in your jacket everyday." Beverly giggled feet up on the bed.

Richie sniggered, he'd seen his jacket hanging on the back of the chair whenever Eddie visited but he'd never had the heart to ask about it, "I'm amazed he'd wear that thing, I've never washed it." he confessed.

"that doesn't surprise me one bit, this thing stinks." Eddie was stood in the doorway with a mock look of disgust.

Richie's heart gave a happy thump at the sight of the smaller boy, especially now he was seeing him properly wearing his denim jacket; it was turned up twice in the sleeves and covered his hips, "give it back then." Richie teased.

Eddie pouted, "no." he said firmly, almost possessively.

"I'm gunna go. Bye Trashmouth." Beverly pecked him on his hairline before sweeping out of the room.

Eddie settled into the chair beside Richie's bed, like always, "you'll be discharged today, the doctor just told me." he said softly.

Unconsciously Richie flexed parts of his body, slightly sore from being sat in bed constantly, his face still felt a little tender, Bowers had really done a number on his face braking his nose in two places.

"I think I'm ready to get out of here." Richie chuckled.

"we're ready to have you out." Eddie said with a small smile but he was nervously picking at his gauze.

Richie shuffled a little to unwrap the gauze, Eddie didn't stop him but watched motionless; the old cuts were still littering his pale skin but there were no new cuts, just a lot of pin prick bruises, "you've stopped." Richie mentioned softly.

With gently, tentative fingers Eddie touched his own marred skin, "it felt different." he muttered.

Richie nodded a little, knowing what Eddie was talking about, he felt a great bloom of pride in his chest for his small love; gently Richie kissed a dark puckered mark running across his wrist, "one day you won't cover these." he said softly.

"they're ugly Richie." Eddie snapped but didn't pull his wrist away.

Kissing the mark again Richie looked sternly at Eddie, "you won't cover these and I'll wear shorts." he declared.

Eddie's slightly flushed face scrunched up, "but, what will people say?" his voice was tiny.

"fuck other people." Richie grinned, "they don't know what we're thinking or lived through and in an instant we'll have walked passed them, hand in hand." it was an ideal future and Richie was going to make it a reality.

Eddie smiled fondly finally pulling his arm away to wrap it back up, "I'd like that."

"what? To fuck other people?" Richie teased and Eddie threw a handful of mini m&m's at him but a small, loving smile was on his face.

Upon release Richie was handed a massive list of pills he would have to take, Eddie's mom would have been envious, and a thinly veiled mentioned about his scars, including a number he could ring if he ever became overwhelmed.

Richie didn't throw the number away but he didn't want it, if he ever had those thoughts all he had to do was climb through Eddie's window.

Of course Richie didn't get better instantly, he now had an ugly scar on his abdomen and a slightly crooked nose, he was the talk of school but not in a good way so for once he kept his head down and waited for it to finally blow over.

It helped to have his friends around, who made up silly answers to the questions that got fired at Richie every day and Eddie was always good for a hug and reality check.

Once or twice Richie woke up with blood staining his sheets, the dark crimson so jarring across his skin now he felt panic instead of relief, luckily it was never from his stab wound, and he always put it down to having nightmares.

Eventually his parents had to ask why he'd cut himself and that was how he came out to them; "don't go announcing it." he told them firmly, "as great as those proud parents are I don't need this shit ass town coming after me or Eds."

"Kraspbrak?" Went breathed.

Richie rolled his eyes, "yes Eddie Kraspbrak, who else? I know what you're going to say but I really like him."

The Tozier parents exchanged a look, they'd seen how much Eddie cared about their son in the weeks Richie had been in a coma and the shorter boy had visited no matter what, even telling his overbearing mother to go away when she came to drag him home.

"watch out for his mom, she's the real danger." Maggie warned.

"well I can't miss her." Richie joked and his mom slapped his arm while laughing.

That night, while Richie was still banned from leaving the house as not to aggravate his wound or be caught by Bowers' old gang, Richie lay in bed listening to music with his window open, letting in the soothing air.

"Rich...help!" came a hiss from under the window sill, a small hand appearing moments later.

Leaning out Richie saw Eddie gripping tightly onto the drainpipe outside his window, even in the darkness he could see Eddie's white knuckled grip, "whatcha doin Eds?" Richie asked smugly.

"just help me in." Eddie hissed daring to let go to grab Richie's hand tightly, once safely inside Eddie let out a long, calming breath, "how did you do that every night?"

Richie just kissed the shorter boy gently but deeply, surrounding himself with the smell of the cool outside air that had clung to Eddie, plus the seeping warmth spreading between them; slowly touching the neat gauze Richie sat them back down on the bed.

"you staying the night?" Richie asked.

A little dazed Eddie nodded, swinging a small bag from his shoulder, "you're mom said you'd been pulling." his eyes flickered to Richie's thighs, one of the scabs dark against the others.

"it's not intentional." Richie muttered, cursing his mom for telling Eddie something like that but he knew that Eddie would have figured it out anyway, "wait, so does my mom know you're here?"

"well yeah." Eddie giggled a little, "she invited me round." he shrugged casually but there was a sly little grin on his face.

Richie gave a short laugh, "then why did you climb through my window?"

Eddie shrugged again, "it always seemed so romantic when you did it." 

Pulling Eddie in for another kiss Richie had to fight not to smile too much; the guilt and shame that had once come from even thinking about another boy, the skin crawling itch that used to creep it's way onto his thighs was no longer there.

Instead Richie heart beat happily, fingertips warm as they soothed across Eddie's sides or his own puckered skin and the main thought in his brain was that he couldn't wait to get out of Derry with Eddie and hold his hand in public.

It was a small step, he'd be going off to collage anyway and Eddie now had some leverage with Officer Bowers to get his way when it was important so they would hopefully be going to the same college; but being about to hold Eddie's hand and say "that's my boyfriend' was something Richie was hoping deeply for.

"my boyfriend." Richie accidentally said out-loud while they laid cuddling, he felt his face become hot and held his tongue.

"idiot." Eddie muttered but was smiling, his arm tightening slightly around Richie's tender waist, "my boyfriend." 

Richie sighed happily, relaxing against his pillow careful to hide a small blood stain from that morning, his fingers were tracing one of his wounds but so were Eddie's so if he'd started to pick then he would have been stopped instantly.

Richie was happy; still an arsehole with terrible jokes and a few secrets but happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who read, kudos & commented :) I'm glad this angsty story was enjoyed   
> I've got another angst fic in mind but who knows how long till it's written, might have to do a fluff piece too.  
> Thank you again, feel free to message :)


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